Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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