C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
