We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
