just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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