Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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