You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
