I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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