dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We had to coat check the pizza.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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