just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
