We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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