I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
