babies were throwing up all over the place
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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