You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
