So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
