I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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