I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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