so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
