but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
