He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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