Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
