How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
did you just send me my own nude
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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