She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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