a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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