She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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