Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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