did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She bit a glass in half.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
