we have pet lesbian snakes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We are all done wearing pants today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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