remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
