he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
