And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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