You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
