I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
