He had one of those small greek statue penises
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
