My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
