Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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