you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
