it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
