My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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