dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
