they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
