One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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