Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
