We're facebook friends in real life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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