I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
