Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
