TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
