Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
