Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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