I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
