Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
