I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
