I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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