I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
