Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My cat gives me a boner
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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