My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
