i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
