he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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