I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
