well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
