I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
