i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
