I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
