dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
